i’m afraid

on

i’m scared that i’ll wake up someday
and forget what it was
to feel so deeply.
i’m scared that i’ll wake up,
with no way out.
i’m scared that i’ll wake up,
to an empty table,
empty heart,
i’m scared i’ll wake up someday,
broken and apart.
i’m scared that i’ll wake up,
sinking in my deep.
the night is cold against my skin.
i’m scared i’ll fall asleep.

~

My artwork, ‘Melancholia’

It has been very long since I last posted. Between busy school schedules and uninspired days, I wasn’t able to write any poetry until today. There was a time that I felt I was losing poetry and it was the worst place I could be in.

This has been one of my most honest poems, leaving me completely vulnerable. Thank you for hanging on.

55 Comments Add yours

  1. A brave poem. One that many of us feel. Thanks for posting.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so very much. I truly appreciate the feedback. I guess that ties us all together.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I like the illustration, too!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you again.

      Like

  3. Ashee Asiwal says:

    Beautiful poem!! And I completely agree with you the tight schedules of college /school… We don’t get time to write much..

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so very much. Means so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ashee Asiwal says:

    And when I don’t write anything for long it feels like I’m not being myself πŸ₯Ί

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      True that. Hope you’re doing well. Good day.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. It’s so beautifull Shanyu !
    In the same time you publish this poem, I wrote another from your list… you continue to inspire me… thank you.
    Have a good day !

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Oh thank you so very much dearest friend. Your words are truly truly truly kind. I am so grateful to have you here. You are the best.
      I’m so glad to hear that you are still using my list. It means everything.
      Have a fantastic day.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Don’t forget this when you doubt : your a poetry in your heart, in your soul… we can see this in every words you use ! The time can’t fight against that…
        Have a beautifull day too !

        Liked by 1 person

      2. you’re a poet not your a poetry (sorry when I write fast I write some stupidity πŸ˜‰ )

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Shanyu says:

        No problem. Your feelings are all that are important.

        Like

      4. Shanyu says:

        Thank you so much. I am honoured. So touched. Thanks dear.

        Like

  6. Rest assured, Shanu, you are not forgotten. You are a brilliant, talented poet with many triumphs in your future, but school is a priority right now.

    Most of us experience feeling a little down now and then, especially during these dark pandemic days. Climate change with resulting catastrophic floods and fires, racial unrest, and violence are all unwelcome distractions. We are all afraid.

    Your artwork and poem are both beautifully expressive, honest, and relatable. Don’t worry, inspiration will find you! ❀ Better days ahead!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you. Thank you so much Cheryl. I am moved by the response. It means more to me than I can convey.

      Thank you so much for the kindness. I am so glad you like the poetry and the art. Thank you.
      Have a fantastic day today.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome! ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Shanyu says:

        Thank you so much Cheryl. Thank you

        Like

  7. Anisha says:

    This is so beautiful, and much relatable. Clutched in tight schedules, I feel so too often nowadays, esp. when I’m unable to thread my words together and put them in a piece.

    The artwork is great! I wish you happy days ahead. πŸ’™

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you greatly Anisha. Your words mean a lot. You are too kind. Happy Day

      Like

  8. beautiful. Really beautiful my dearest friend.
    “i’m scared i’ll fall asleep.”
    xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words dear friend. I am thoroughly grateful. Have a fantastic day.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure.. A fantastic week ahead πŸ€—πŸŒΉ

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Shanyu says:

        Likewise :))

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Fears and their entrappings, just suckers of peace,,,

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so much for visiting.

      Like

  10. hgamma says:

    the fear
    is relentless
    down to the sweat
    the panic in my ears

    she is my best friend
    she saves me from danger
    what to expect around the corner

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so much friend. Your words are truly appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Baydreamer says:

    Shanyu, your words are beautifully penned, honest, and relatable. May you find lovely blossoms of peace to push away the dark shadows of fear. Keep writing whether you think it’s good or not. Inspiration will soon greet you again. πŸ’—

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so very much dearest friend. Your words mean so much.
      I am just so thankful for the kindness all of you show me. Thank you greatly. Truly blessed.

      Like

  12. Ishita Gupta says:

    Oh this is absolutely marvellous Shanyu dear. I love the vulnerability and how raw this poem is. It is so emotive, and something all of us can relate to. Absolutely beautiful and powerful.
    Also, your artwork is brilliant! Love it!❀

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Dear Ishita,
      Thank you so very much. This is so kind and generous. I am so glad you like the poetry. It meas a lot to me.
      Wow, I’m so so grateful. Thank you so much for being there. Have a fantastic day.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ishita Gupta says:

        Absolutely my pleasure Shanyu!
        Have a great day tooπŸ’•

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Shanyu says:

        Thank you 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  13. How beautifully and with vulnerability you express yourself Shanyu…I adore the image you created and feel it is a great visual representation of your feelings of fear and uncertainty. Your final line, gave me a shiver, because I have felt this fear in my life too…the fear of falling asleep where the unconscious paints nightmares with such powerful imagery..and we just don’t want to be subjected to it…I relate so well to the whole poem, but more from a past time, than now in my life…This time in your life. will pass too..if it hasn’t already.. We poets have this advantage of writing out our fears and sharing them, so they can dissipate and leave us.❣️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Dearest Karima,
      Your comment leaves me stunned. I never knew while publishing the post that it would hit a chord with so many of you. I can just thank you for your kind words and the insight you provide.
      I am genuinely blessed to have readers like you, and I am so glad you like the poem. It feels very good to know that I am not the first one to feel this certain way. I am happy that at least one of my readers has noticed the juxtaposition of being scared to wake up until being scared to even sleep.
      Your comment has genuinely made me happy. Thank you so much.
      Kindest regards, and a wonderful day.

      Like

  14. ybrwrites says:

    wow it is deep….YBR

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you greatly!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Gibberish says:

    Many of us have such fears which you put down so beautifully here πŸ’ŸπŸ’Ÿ

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      I could only tryπŸ™‚

      Like

  16. Yiena says:

    quite reletable dear πŸ₯° lots of love to you πŸ’–πŸ₯°

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving this kind comment. Have a fantastic day.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yiena says:

        Always welcome my dear~β€πŸ’š

        Like

  17. Shanyu.. it’s a wonderful honest poem and it’s sooo good to read you my friend! πŸ’–πŸ’–β£οΈ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so very much dear friend! I am so sorry to reply so late, but I was caught up in exams. Thank you so much for your kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Better late than never and never too late. You’re sooo welcome and celebrate them being over I hope!πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Shanyu says:

        Thank you greatly 😊

        Like

  18. p.s. Glad you’re back… πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  19. besondersite says:

    This is so beautifully poignant and deep. Lovely piece of writing, Shanyu πŸ’«

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so much P! Your words truly mean a lot. I’m so grateful.
      Sorry to only reply now. Have a fantastic day today

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Intensely relatable. I dread the days when I can’t stir up a feeling far more than the ones where a thousand unpleasant emotions descend on me. I hope those days are few for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shanyu says:

      Thank you so very much for the visit and kind comment. I am glad you find this relatable, it truly is dreadful.
      I hope the same for you and more. Have a fantastic day.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Wow! Truly beautiful poetry that inspires me to keep writing too

    Like

  22. Good post! I love the shift at the end: “I’m scared i’ll fall asleep.” instead of “i’m scared that i’ll wake up someday”. You always write exceptionally! Always nice reading your words. They feel truly unique.

    Like

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